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current / archive / pictures / guestbook / email / profile 2002-06-05 3:29 a.m. Because crushes can be so theraputic, I have recently decided to develop an adoration for an unsuspecting party. Since the boys of H-town are less than the bee's knees, I was forced into crushing on the only heart-throb in America worth my time... Jared. "Jared who," you ask? "Jared Pierce?" No. "Jared Arseno?" No. "Jared Drew?" No... Jared from Subway. After I wrote an English paper tonight on how Jared's dreams and aspirations fueled his successful carreer as the Subway spokesperson, I began scheming ways on exactly how to win over Jared's heart. Step 1: Start a Jared fanclub. Step 2: Locate a life size Jared cardboard cutout to complete the most extensive Jared shrine known to man. Step 3: Send hatemail to Jared's new wife.... then destroy her! Step 4: Invite Jared on a date to Subway and let him treat. If nothing else, I'll get a free sandwich. As I now retire to slumber, I follow in the steps of the almighty Dawn Wiener(dog) and repeat the following: "Jared... You will fall in love with me... You will make love to me... You will take me away from this place." |